Something I have Lacked Most of My Life

Confidence.

The ability to believe in yourself.

It’s something I have lacked most of my life.  It’s something I have struggled with for so long.

I have watched and listed to many confident men and women, from all walks of life, and have always wished I could be as confident as they were/are.  The desire was, and is, real.  It’s something I have worked at, and something that I have felt at times that I failed at miserably.

Now, I’m taking steps to help build up my confidence.  One of these steps is to pray for it.  The other is to do things – speak in front of others, particularly – to help build this characteristic in myself.  In the last month or so, my self-confidence has grown.  And it’s somewhat surprising, because I haven’t really noticed. Others have. Others have commented on it – some good, some not so good.

I’ve had someone say that they thought there was something different about me, and they felt I wasn’t approachable any more.  That hurt. I didn’t know what to think. I mentioned this to someone else, and they said they saw that I had changed as well, that I was more confident – and that was a good thing!

Personally, I hadn’t noticed any change in myself, but looking back over the last three weeks, I can see it a little. I don’t think it’s a lot, but it’s enough to see.  I’m not cocky, and I’m not arrogant. There’s a difference.

After receiving that negative comment, I admit that it bothered me – a lot.  I ruminated over it. And, I almost let it beat me.

But, I didn’t.

I prayed and have decided that if someone can’t accept me as being more confident in myself, then that is their problem.

As they say, a change will do you good. And I’m making changes – good ones, positive ones, and I don’t think I should stop that for anyone.

 

Searching For Some Direction

Since high school, I’ve dabbled in writing. I wrote what would be partial novels, but never finished them. I held on to them for a long time and when I went back to read them, they were horrible! I pretty much just rambled on in the tone of a high school girl who had absolutely no idea of what she was writing, let alone how to do it.

Needless to say, I threw those babies out!

I’ve tried to write some poetry, and I think I had a couple of good ones, but, I don’t know if poetry is my cup of tea. I’m not saying I’ll never try to write poetry again; I just don’t think I’ll use my time for that, at least not now.

I’ve also written a few short short stories. I was part of a Christian writing forum that held weekly contests. The first story I had written and submitted won an honourable mention and was published in a quarterly book. There was no monetary gain, but at least it is something to put on the resume!

Recently, my hours at work have decreased, and I have decided to delve into writing more. Of course, I have all those thoughts of: What am I going to write? Do I focus just on Christian content or just on secular content, or both? Do I write articles? Should I write about every day life?

You get the picture.  I need some direction.

I’ve also been reading some articles on creating more of a “professional” blog and I have seen that it’s a good idea to spend the money and get your own domain. I’m seriously considering this.

And I need content. That’s what I’m working on now.

I’m also working on developing my style as a writer. I think blogging will help with that. At least I hope it will!

I’m also open to suggestions on what to write about. That’s where you come in! Let me know in the comment section what sort of articles you like to read. What topics are you interested in? What types of blogs do you frequent? What style of writing are you attracted to as a reader?

A Powerful Tool

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

I remember repeating that when I was young. I don’t know if I was trying to convince myself of this, or others. It doesn’t matter, though, the meaning of that statement is a lie.

 

 

Words are a powerful tool. They can be used to build up others, or tear them down.  They can encourage or discourage. They can be kind or mean.  The choice is ours on which ones we choose to speak to people.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.   Ephesians 4:29

Words can have a lasting effect – both negative and positive.  I remember as a young child being told by a classmate that I was ugly.  I also remember a few years later having two other kids, girls I thought were my friends, both saying that I was pretty ugly.  Those words devastated me and have had a lasting effect on me for many years. For most of my life, I believed what those kids said to me. I believed that I was ugly – and most days I still believe that.  I’m growing though, and now there are days when I don’t believe it.

Words are powerful. Not only do our words affect others, but they can also affect us, too.  Our self-talk is just as important to examine.  Do I speak positively to myself? Do I use words of affirmation? Or, am I negative and use my words to destroy myself?

I want to challenge you.  For the next week, try writing down two positive things you like about yourself every day.  It doesn’t matter what you write – do you have pretty eyes? Did you have a good hair day? Maybe you spoke words of encouragement to someone who was feeling discouraged, or you helped someone who was in need.  Record these in a journal or notebook and keep them to look back on when you are feeling down.  Then, do the same thing for someone else – write down something positive (something different each day for a week) about someone you have a hard time dealing with, and at the end of the week look back over your findings.  You might start seeing that person in a different light.

Be mindful of your words this week; build up those around you, and don’t forget to build up yourself as well.  Construction, not destruction.

Remember, words do matter.

 

 

 

It Hasn’t Happened…Yet

For years I have dabbled in writing – mostly short stories and attempts at novels. I’ve dreamed of being an author, having my name on the front of a book.  I’m almost 50 years old and it hasn’t happened yet.

 

 

Why? Because I doubted myself, I didn’t feel confident in my writing capabilities, and I let fear overtake me – fear that I wouldn’t be able to do it, fear that people wouldn’t like what I write, and fear that I just wouldn’t be good at it.

I’ve decided, with encouragement from a few people (particularly my husband), that I’m going to attempt writing again.  My hours at work have been cut back and it’s a great time to seriously get back into it.

 

I think I need to develop my style, find my voice, and figure out just what I want to work on.  I want to write a novel, but I also thought of maybe writing some Christian articles, devotions or short stories as well. I suppose I could write here, on this blog, to help with my writing. It’s as good as any place to start.  It’s all going to take time, naturally, but I just need to make myself sit down and write.  If I don’t start, it won’t get done.

So, I would appreciate prayers for guidance and direction…and of course to fight against procrastination and writer’s block.